1/1 - (expecting a reaction from him) "What am I suppose to do, break out into little assholes and shit all over myself?"
2 - (after asking, guess what) "A pig's ass is pork?"
3 - (defining halitosis of the blow hole) "Everything you eat turns to shit"
4 - "Balls cried the Queen, if had two, I'd be the King."
5 - "See if you can use your brain for something other than keeping you spinal chord from unraveling."
6 - (anus) "Bung hole"
7 - (call letters of radio WRIT) "W-SHIT"
8 - (cardio-vascular exercise) Let me go vasculate with you guys."
9 - "I know him, we used to get together and eat chicken...shit, I know him."
10 - (drawing attention to himself and farting) "Here's a kiss for you."
11 - Watching animal program on TV, calling one of the animals name of family member
12 - (over for dinner, saying sure smells good) "I know, I just farted."
13 - (FDR wife visiting ship) Men in line humping one another, Captain yells, "form a circle, end man ain't getting any."
14 - (doesn't need reading glasses) "My arm is just too short"
15 - "Fuck me in the ass." (now or later) "Later, the neighbors might be watching."
16 - (going pee) "Gotta water my pony."
17 - (going pee) "I need help, Dr. said I'm not suppose to lift over 5 pounds."
18 - (hangover) "eyes at half mass, commemorating the death of your brain"
19 - (instead of nursing home) "Take me out and pole-axe me."
20 - "Is that your face or did your pants fall down."
21 - (tells joke) "Catch on? Grease your ass and slide off."
22 - (asking him to make goofy face) "I was practicing, one got stuck, and I had to hide for an hour."
23 - (farting) "Message from Turd Island, there's a shit storm ahead."
24 - (looking for someone) "I saw them going around the corner with an egg beater up their ass playing motor boat."
25 - looking for someone) "She went to take a shit and the hogs ate 'er."
26 - (useless) You're less than nothing."
27 - (never want to marry) "Are you gonna jack off the rest of your life."
28 - (talking dumb) "You need to go and get your head examined."
29 - "The only reason I had kids was to have grand kids."
30 - "Fight, Fight, (minority) and white, come on (you) beat that white
31 - (something over cooked) "dry as a popcorn fart"
2/1 - "I know him, we used to go to different schools together."
2 - (shit happens) "Happens moving west."
3 - (English joke, getting pee from upper story) "Hey mate, mind jostling it a bit, I'm getting the lot of it, you know."
4 - (stalling) "Shit or get off the pot."
5 - (taking a dump) "Gotta take a (a name) and then wipe my (another name)."
6 - News of family tragedy) "Pretty pathetic, burnt up, locked out and robbed."
7 - "With a face like that, I'd teach my ass to chew bubble gum and walk backwards."
8 - (say a word) "I got something you can (that word)."
9 - "Useless as tits on a bull."
10 - (vomit) "I gotta throw down."
11 - "Wake up and pee, the world's on fire."
12 - (you know what 'Thought' did) "Went to take a shit, thought he had his pants down, shit his pants."
13 - (in crosswalk, says to driver after sudden stop) "Thanks, the life you save may be mine."
14 - (said while burping) Barabus (Roger thought he was saying 'promise.'
15 - (reaching the age of 70) "I made my three score and ten."
16 - (fat person) "He's pouring out of his pants."
17 - (how to, sex with fat woman) "Tell her to pee, follow the stream."
18 - (bad food) "Wouldn't serve that to a dog."
19 - (caught eating banana split) "Ask us not to tell his wife" (seriously)
20 - (beef tenderloin) "Who wants a steak you can drink."
21 - (Blatz and Schlitz beer) "After drinking, you gotta schlitz, and it sounds like 'blatz.'"
22 - "I like my coffee how I like my women, hot and black."
23 - (guy eating lightly cooked bacon) "He probably drinks warm bacon grease."
24 - (out eating tacos) "Let's go taco bending."
25 - "You eat so much, you must have to shit a lot."
26 - (speaking of salad) "I don't like rabbit food."
27 - (steak well done) "I don't want it moo-ing back at me."
28 - (drinking a shake too fast) Gets a chill, and acts like he's having a spasm.
3/1 - "If I ever made a lot of money, I'd probably make a fool of myself."
2 - (botched job, referred to sub contactor as...) Ed Asshole
3 - (bad carpenter) "Couldn't make a button for a shit house door to work."
4 - (getting more money from Gigous) "Dean popped for another T-note."
5 - (needs money) "I'll work eight jobs if necessary."
6 - (guy doesn't pay back money) "If you can buy him for that, it's pretty cheap."
7 - (Roger winning a bid) "Did you get a DP?"
8 - (very old person) "waiting to die"
9 - (business failure) "Might go dippin"
10 - (life assessment) "I was a complete fucking failure."
11 - (free gift) "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts."
12 - (cold weather, car won't start, suggest a push start) "Yeah, push it down to Florida."
13 - (hits nail with saw, tells crew) "Fuck it, let's go drink coffee."
14 - (business mistake) "Stepping on your dick (or wick)."
15 - (getting rich) "Got mul-tied."
16 - (newly into money) "You act big now that you have a few nickels to rub together."
17 - "He has to walk backwards to pick up his check cuz he's ashamed of what little work he does."
18 - (broke) "Don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out."
19 - "Have to buy a new car, the ashtrays are full in the old one."
20 - "I'll see you later unless I'm dead."
21 - (ask what Roger, while contracting, does for a living) "He's a thief."
22 - (business success) "I'll need a brinks truck to take the money to the bank."
23 - (value of 10 bucks) "I'd pay 10 bucks to watch a monkey hump a football."
24 - (no health insurance) "Better not stub your toe."
25 - (often split 10s in black jack) "I often pass up the bird in the hand, for two in the bush."
26 - (didn't go for double Pinochle in the blind) When it was in there, he tore the card in half."
27 - (showboating) Pulling a Marlo, from acting like Marlon Brando, said while making mocking faces.
28 - (too much shuffling, like Gleason and Carney) "What's all this bullshit," (shuffling hands)
29 - (Russ and Chuck's clothes) "They'll need to go to a tent and awning factory to get fitted."
30 - (Tom puts Fred as beneficiary instead of wife) "Chuck says, Marcia wouldn’t have got one fucking dime."
31 - (Chuck staying with Fred, going out to eat) "Gotta fill that hole."
4/1 - "I need that like I need another asshole."
2 - "He's chicken shit in a lot of different ways."
3 - (someone says, you fucker) "You brought her, you fuck her."
4 - (argue with TV commercial) "Hi, I'm Fred Montney, and I wish you'd get off my TV."
5 - "If you had brains, you'd be dangerous."
6 - (don't care) "I give a fuck," Later referred to as GAF that.
7 - (engine trouble riding around the lake) Beating his fist on the steering wheel.
8 - (argue with sons) "mince words"
9 - (you poor too much milk on cereal) "You oughta poor a little more milk on that,"
10 - (disappointed) "Jesus Christ! Then he died."
11 - (fellatio) "suck a pound"
12 - (talking bullshit) "You talk like a man with a paper asshole."
13 - (referring to kids) "You're fulla hate, hate, hate, and greed, greed, greed."
14 - (acting greedy) "I got mine, how you doing?"
15 - (acting greedy) "Hurrah for me, and fuck you."
16 - "I need that like I need a hole in the head."
17 - (kids fighting) "They think if they get touched by another, they'll explode."
18 - (man with long hair) "Don't know if I should kiss him or shake his hand."
19 - (man with long hair) "He must be mad at the world."
20 - (referring to sons) "Low form, ...of human dung."
21 - "They think their shit don't stink, but their farts gave them away."
22 - "They think their shit smells like rose pedals."
23 - "Phony as a four dollar bill."
24 - (someone claiming knowledge of the subject) "How did you get so smart all of a sudden"
25 - "Fuck him AND his bullshit."
26 - "Don't know if I should punt, shit, or go blind,"
27 - (doing something nerve racking) "Is that trip necessary?"
28 - (arguing with sons) "I'm your sire, you're not my sire."
29 - (fishing with Freddie) "Everyone get off the lake, Freddie's gonna cast."
30 - (Freddie repeatedly slamming a door with a tight catch, sitting back to the door) "What the fuck is going on."
5/1 - (name for JFK) "Whore monger"
2 - (name for Reagan) "Prune face"
3 - (mad at Carter, seen on TV, on vacation, in jeans) "Hillbilly bastard."
4 - (asked if he voted for Nixon) "I'd vote for Hitler instead."
5 - (interpreting the Bible) "reading between the lines"
6 - Told Russ that if he studied the Bible, he'd just pick it apart.
7 - (name for Catholics) "minnow munchers
8 - (name for Catholics) "mackerel snappers
9 - Use to be Episcopal, got the piss slapped out of him, now he's Ecopal
10 - (church hypocrites) "go around with a perpetual smile on their face"
11 - (bed wetter's hell) "room full of piss, up to the bottom of your mouth, everyone saying, Don't make a wave"
12 - (Jehovah's Witness) "Can't be a witness, didn't see the accident"
13 - (Mormons) "Joseph Smith was the guy who married Pocahontas"
14 - (pastor's sacrifice) "the pay is good"
15 - "I'm not prejudice, but I wouldn't want my daughter marrying a negro."
16 - (white and black had a kid, and it was light) "Yeah, light brown"
17 - (went to the Round Church) "where the Devil couldn't corner him"
18 - (Mom said he shoulda been a minister) His response, "You're fucking right."
19 - Montney's of Watertown) "I worked free for three years."
20 - (bad business) "Was non-profit, didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out."
21 - (clean up) "Referred to himself and Mom as the scullery"
22 - (poking fun of electrical contractor) "Did it wain on it."
23 - (dirty grill) "serving grit pancakes"
24 - (locking up) "Would say Amen, so as to remember, then recall that he amen-ed it."
25 - (too much water on the floor when mopping) "had to step over those hills of water"
26 - (dishonest employees) "What they didn't eat, they stole, what they didn't steal they gave away."
27 - Montney's of Waukesha) "If you don't like our service, go to George Webb."
28 - (hermaphrodite) "morphodike"
29 - (massacre) "mass - a - cree"
30 - (oceanography) "ocean - oh - graffy"
31 - (using big words) "Careful not to choke on those big words."
6/1 - (Roger) "big gun"
2 - (Roger) "plow gut"
3 - (Roger) "fat back"
4 - (Roger) "Taj or Taj Mahaj" like the 's' in pleasure
5 - (bragging) "I'm gonna build him a gloat box.
6 - (Por-Bee-Ham BBQ idea) Roger called it porkaboo
7 - (Roger told him he woulda been had if not his father) "Don't let that stand in your way, have me."
8 - (favorite words for sons) "fucking punk"
9 - (Tom starting a job) making faces and mocking him, "Where is it, let me at it, smash, smash"
10 - (Tom with a busy schedule) "you're gonna be a busy mother"
11 - (Tom with an itchy butt) "Everyone get in line, Tom's gotta get itched."
12 - (missing gears while driving) "grind me a pound"
13 - (mocking a lot of talking) "Burrrrr"
14 - (Tom saying he won't keep phone book ads if no business) Dad says, "I would"
15 - (hunting deer) "If Tom had his way, he'd have me in the bush, flushing for him."
16 - (teaching Tom to drive stick shift) "Synchronize! Synchronize!"
17 - (fishing with sons) "make believe it's Father's Day"
18 - (Tom working for others) "When he's with me he doesn't listen, with them he's elephant ears."
19 - (working for Mr. Star) Singing, "Don't let the stars get in you eyes, don't let the moon break your heart."
20 - (name for Jeff) "Oh-frey"
21 - (introducing one of Chuck's kids) "This is my grandson, from Denver" (mocking Denver)
22 - "Look up, look down, your pants are falling down." (Jeff would repeat, pants are wallin down)
23 - (Jim calls as Mr. Johnson) Dad makes excuse for not calling, saying he got his ass turned around in the storm
24 - (hollering on a job, warned about neighbors) "Fuck the neighbors"
25 - (dog with hair lip) "Mark, Mark."
26 - Tried to add a third egg to omelet, Russ pulled the plate, let it drop on the floor
27 - (moth is fries) "Tell the customer, they don't have to pay for the moth"
28 - (stopped by the DNR while fishing) During the conversation, the name Hitler came up"
29 - (Tom in union) "Tom's going downtown"
30 - (tangle line with Russ) went to cut Russ' line, accidentally cut his own, "I just lost my whole rig."
7/1 - (college protest) "Give me a Gatlin gun on a flat bed truck."
2 - (Freddy on active duty) "God help us if he's left to protect the nation."
3 - (general name for Jap) "Okomoto"
4 - (soldier waking him up below ship during a battle in the Pacific) "Wake up Fred and come top ship! It looks like a hundred 4th of Julys all rolled into one."
5 - (doing well at the shooting gallery) "I just make believe I'm shooting Japs
6 - (slim chance) "I hope to piss in your mess kit"
7 - (snacks) "pogey bait"
8 - (saying sorry) "Sorry don't do me no good, coulda got me killed."
9 - (Mom nickname) "Barracuda"
10 - (accused of hoarding candy) mad, and throws a handful across the kitchen
11 - (Married in March, child in August) "Don't tell Mom, I told you we had to get married"
12 - (Mom going to bed early) "I thought you wanted to get screwed"
13 - (Mom kidding about bringing coffee pot to picnic) "Am I supposed to plug it in my ass."
14 - (Plan for everyone to get a ride, left him stranded) "What am I suppose to do, hitchhike home"?
15 - (if we disrespected Mom) "prepare to leave the earth"
16 - (talking dumb) "Your ass sucks wind."
17 - (Classical music like Bach) "long haired music"
18 - "You're a living horses ass, ...picture it."
19 - (goofball) "touch hole bandit"
20 - (Gov. Lucey) "mouseface"
21 - (Russ' friend Bill Durkin) "Bill Jerkin"
22 - (gorp or gorpmire) "farts in the bathtub, breaks the bubbles with his teeth"
23 - (gorp or gorpmire) "smells girls bike seats to get a rail on"
24 - (holding 4 of the same suit and 1 different suit but same color, trying to deceive) "four flusher"
25 - (skinny legs) "hoe handles"
26 - "slimer grimer"
27 - (snitch) Pogrob, from a story of a guy who got killed by the Mafia
28 - (too bossy) "takeover"
29 - (weird person) "freak of nature"
30 - (Woman) "split tail"
31 - (to his Dad, Menzo) "Why don't you go for a walk and let some stink blow off."
8/1 - Bragged about never changing oil, wondered why he had engine trouble.
2 - (someone with car trouble) "Something you don't understand about that car?"
3 - (Russ driving Pinto) "like a monkey humping a football"
4 - Tried to drive in Galaxy 500 through a snowy driveway, ruined his transmission.
5 - Thought a million miles was a lot to drive in a lifetime.
6 - (visiting the UP) "nothing but fucking rocks and trees"
7 - (getting a bad deal) "He's really trying to nail my ass to the cross."
8 - (bankruptcy) "Had to file the ruppsy"
9 - (getting a bad deal) "He's really trying to put the cock to me."
10 - (bad person, prick) "Mr. Rick, first initial is P, Mr. PeeRick."
11 - "I'll stomp a mud hole up your ass, then I'll stomp it dry."
12 - (when 'Ode to Billy Joe' was popular) "I got choctawed" (put down)
13 - (bad date) "three bagger, one for her head, one for your head, one to throw up in"
14 - (advice to female teens on a date) "I know you're not a pig."
15 - (intercourse) "dip your wick"
16 - (white ring around mouth, taking Maalox) "Have to wash up, looks like I just sucked a cock."
17 - (girl playing hard to get) "She wouldn't let you smell where she pissed last week."
18 - (running train on a whore) "I have to go last, with my big one, she has to be well oiled."
19 - (whore monger) "He'd screw a snake if someone held it."
20 - (women) "If God created anything better, he saved it for himself."
21 - Would tap framing square to tune of Dad's old fashioned root beer."
22 - (sing to the tune of stars & stripes forever) "Caught the major in the shower with a bone on."
23 - (basketball players) "you gotta be eight feet tall to play that game"
24 - (basketball players) "nigger spider jumpers"
25 - (golf) "chase a little ball around all day"
26 - (Green Bay Packers) "they don't put bread on my table"
27 - (said he had 2 families before and after the war) Boy-Girl-Boy, each counter part 9 years apart
28 - (in boys school) got whipped every day for a month, met the kid that got him in trouble, smashed him in the mouth
29 - (first steady job) chipping in a foundry at 13
30 - Convinced his sisters that the oriental vagina aligned horizontal
31 - (story to Russ) Tied a kid to a big kite, string broke, never found the kid (really?)
9/1 - (after sleeping 8 hours himself, visit's Russ who has had only 3 hours sleep on third shift) "What are you going to do, sleep all day?"
2 - "Cockeater" instead of Cocksucker
3 - (using German article) Der Punk, shortened to just "Der"
4 - "Disree" shortened from disrespect
5 - "Oglethorpe
6 - "Hump De Dino" (apparently from a cartoon character)
7 - "Take my Jerd for it Word" (from word for it jerk)
8 - "Lippy Lucy"
9 - "Got that lip flappin'"
10 - (after misplacing a key while moving) "If I was ever with you in combat, I'd just give up and die."
11 - Slams oven door over and over, after burning the garlic bread twice.
12 - "He's a walking dead man." (description of Russ on a job site)
13 - Claimed all the disrespect he received from everyone in the world for his whole life was less than what he received from Russ.
14 - "Hold you head up over the plate! Hold you head up over the plate!"
15 - (argument about to start) "Let's get it going, you wanna get my guts burning."
16 - (Looking down at his thinning hair from atop a garage) "You're gonna be a bald mother before 30."
17 - (realizing he's losing an argument) "You win! You win!"
18 - (counting money and Russ commenting that he loves it so much) Throws a stack of singles at him.
19 - (acting immature) "Grow in the head! Grow in the head."
20 - (talking so much as if always eating) Meal in the mouth, shortened to "mealy mouth"
21 - "Don't sweat the small shit. Most shit is small shit."
22 - "Ork the Gork"
23 - "Erk the Jerk"
24 - "Eek the Geek"
25 - "He'd feed a big party if they ever rendered his ass down."
26 - While at dinner, would put fork in mouth upside down, lick off, and thump Russ on the head."
27 - (too much talk) "Got that canyon working overtime."
28 - "Talk to my ass for awhile, I got a headache."
29 - "He'll die working for the State."
30 - (Russ trying to get enough sleep) "Sleep when you're dead."
10/1 - (drinking days) "I drank enough to float you down a river."
2 - (drinking days) "had a whiskey with a whiskey chaser."
3 - "After 70 years old, you're living on borrowed time."
4 - (losing teeth) "I'll have to gum my food to death."
5 - (his version Beatle's song) "I had a hard day and a hard night."
6 - Federal workers=2nd class welfare, State workers=3rd class welfare, etc
7 - (guy with easy job or on SSI) "He's looking for an easy way out in life."
8 - (medical option) "I could always lay down at the VA."
9 - (unpleasant childhood in depression) "I was born an old man."
10 - (running 2 businesses at once) "I got tunnel vision driving home at night."
11 - Would tell workers who talked back to look for that 'Boss' sign on his back.
12 - (can't retire) "Am I suppose to retire on the interest on my debts?"
13 - (fat waitress) "She'd make a lot of lard if they rendered her ass down on that grill."
14 - (unpleasant woman) "Blackhearted Bitch"
15 - (Roger) "Mr. I Got"
16 - "If Mom woulda believed in abortion, none of you would be here."
17 - (never asked to be born) "You woulda been turned down."
18 - (Russ was born placenta previa) "They kept the afterbirth and threw out the baby."
19 - (kids fighting) "Should have the word 'HATE' tattooed on their forehead."
20 - (business failures) "If only my kids woulda backed me up"
21 - (mad at redhead) "carrot top freak"
22 - "Uglier than a mad dog's ass"
23 - (one of the Lee sisters) "Ug Lee"
24 - "Colder than a witch's tit in Kansas"
25 - "Colder than a well digger's ass in Montana"
26 - (said as a carpenter) "Useless as tits on a board."
27 - (said as a carpenter about a woman) "Flat as a board and easy to screw."
28 - (kids mad while working in his restaurant) "Be happy in your work"
29 - (raw deal) "it's better than a sharp stick in your eye"
30 - (death) "I'm going to take a dirt nap"
31 - (Someone shady) "looks like something that climbed out from under a slimy rock"
11/1 - (knee problems, fat doctor says he's too fat) "What about you?" (I ain't got sore knees)
2 - "I'm free white and 21"
3 - (refers to $100, $1000) "C-note, T-note"
4 - (height of conceit) "Flea floating down the river with hard on saying, open the draw bridge."
5 - (wanting to end argument with Russ who is at his house) "Russ, ...get out."
6 - Pinched his finger nail between board and truck, mad at mom, cuz she thinks he's talking about a metal nail."
7 - (oral sex) "not good enough to eat, then not good enough to screw"
8 - (son in law) "This is my son-in-law, by marriage."
9 - (talking too much) "50,000 useless words a day."
10 - (Adam) "atom-bomb, or the bomber"
11 - (buy a foreign car) "Jap loving swine"
12 - (hard on) "rail on"
13 - (mad at extreme politics) "I thought we killed all your kind in the war."
14 - (advice to Russ buying a car from Roger) "Watch 'em"
15 - "Tell them to kiss your fat ass, if yours ain't fat enough, then tell them to kiss mine."
16 - (never went to high school) "Don't make fun of me, I got an eight grade education."
17 - (hands letter to Chuck who's living with him) "This is for you" (junk mail address to 'Resident')
18 - (mother Emma saying) "Can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear."
19 - (jump subject to subject) "you really got a one tract mind"
20 - Taught Nannette to say ABCs backwards (said very quickly)
21 - Would always sing the song '30 days has...' when trying to figure out how many days in a month.
22 - (Watching TV of Johnson as new President) Saying in disbelief, "That's our new President."
23 - 7 children, 20 grand-children, nearly 50 great-grands, still counting great-greats, never ending gene pool
24 - (born in Michigan) "If God gave the world an enema, he'd put the point in Michigan."
25 - Was wounded 5 times in WW2, received a double purple heart.
26 - (war wound 1) Shot in shoulder, says it spun him around 180 degrees, thrown face down in mud.
27 - (war wound 2) Cement bullet in lower leg.
28 - (war wound 3) On top of horizontally exploding land mine, got concussion
29 - (war wound 4) Shrapnel in back from motor shell, some pieces stayed with him for life.
30 - (war wound 5) Shot in foot as he was being carried off the field in a stretcher.
12/1 - (FDR saying about wife) "I've been in war, I've been in Eleanor, frankly I'd rather be in war."
2 - Loved Foghorn the Leghorn, "It's a joke son, it's a joke"
3 - Loved the hoarse laughing dog, often mimicked him
4 - (good shot) "can hit the nuts off a bumble bee a mile away"
5 - (about to blow a cave) "Fire in the hole" (what hole? the bung hole)
6 - "If you enjoy your freedom, shake the hand of a vet"
7 - Was in the war 2 years, came out a PFC, (referred to himself as "Grab ass artist"
8 - Was really put on a slow boat to (near) China
9 - Food on board ship: Kidney beans and rice
10 - (long line, or heavy traffic) "I'm gonna be here for a month."
11 - Thanked God 'Harry' dropped the bomb that avoided a Marine invasion of Japan.
12 - Got new license, tore up the new one instead of the old one.
13 - (threaten to leave) "don't let the door hit your ass on the way out"
14 - (no obligation) "no hooks in your ass)
15 - "I'm gonna beat you into the middle of next week."
16 - "My glasses are so dirty, someone must shit on 'em"
17 - (Russian name for a jerk) "Mr. Eljakoff, ...El Jerkoff or El Jackoff"
18 - (young person with mustache) "Put some milk on that, let the cat lick it off."
19 - (never liked opera) "Not over till the fat lady sings"
20 - (Gen Macarthur) Mocking 'I shall return,' "Yeah, with the entire Pacific Fleet ahead of him"
21 - "It's all Greek to me" (laughed when Russ studied Greek in high school)
22 - (drunk) "three sheets to the wind"
23 - Loved explaining the saying, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
24 - (Green Bay Packers) "black gladiators"
25 - (thinking something is BS) "Do I look like a Christmas tree? Then why are you trying to pin that shit on me?"
26 - "Send me flowers when I'm alive." (we did, and at the funeral too)
27 - "Have a buffet lunch at my funeral" (we did)
28 - Never forgave himself for having to live through a 'kill or be killed' zone.
29 - "Bury me upside down, so the world can kiss my ass."
30 - (greatest fear) "Where I'm going when I die."
31 - Wood National Cemetery: Plot: 37C 0 116
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